message from the unfaithful

it is tough to argue against the resurrection. There are so many historians that recorded corroborative evidence. This massive body is hard to question when all the authors are unable to answer. I for one don't believe, and never will. Even if Jesus walked up to me right now. Call me irrational, call me a fool, call me unscientific and close minded, but faith in Jesus and His God is something that will escape my propriety for the rest of my life. Why? I don't know. Faith is a gift? A choice? One that I am not willing to make. My free will doesn't allow me to make that decision freely. Will God forgive me even when I stand before him in heaven and say to his face that I don't believe in him. Will he be angry when he asks me how can I not believe him when I am staring him in the face and I say that I choose not to, I choose to ignore this face, I choose an alternate explanation, regardless of how improbable, fake, delusional and outlandish it may be I choose something else, not you, never you. Will he understand such madness? Will he tolerate such impiety? WIll he laugh and send me to Lucifer? Will Lucifer laugh and send me back?